1 00:00:11,778 --> 00:00:13,277 Get away from me! 2 00:00:13,279 --> 00:00:15,479 Milk! Milk, you in there? 3 00:00:15,481 --> 00:00:16,180 Grover, Jamal! 4 00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,983 Come on, y'all, stop playing! Open the door! 5 00:00:20,987 --> 00:00:21,552 Whew. 6 00:00:21,554 --> 00:00:23,354 - 'Sup, little brody? What's going on? 7 00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:24,321 - Niggas is trying to kill me! 8 00:00:24,323 --> 00:00:26,257 - Nigga, did you just say the N word? 9 00:00:26,259 --> 00:00:28,793 - You mean black brothers is after you, right? 10 00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:31,729 - No, niggas! Look! 11 00:00:36,469 --> 00:00:37,868 - Oh, shit! 12 00:00:37,870 --> 00:00:38,936 Hey, my dudes. 13 00:00:38,938 --> 00:00:40,638 I just busted three nuts in under a minute. 14 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,606 That's got to be a world record, right? 15 00:00:50,149 --> 00:00:54,218 16 00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:55,352 - Yo, all I'm saying is, 17 00:00:55,354 --> 00:00:58,088 someone shot me a Periscope of a Vine 18 00:00:58,090 --> 00:01:00,558 of a Snapchat of a screengrab 19 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:01,892 of a text-- 20 00:01:01,894 --> 00:01:04,595 That say they saw Cindy pee in the shower. 21 00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:05,262 - You hear that? 22 00:01:05,264 --> 00:01:06,864 Your girl like them golden showers. 23 00:01:06,866 --> 00:01:07,798 I wonder if she mud sharks 24 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:08,833 in the back of the toilet too. 25 00:01:08,835 --> 00:01:10,568 You already know them Germans is on that. 26 00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:13,137 - Y'all need to OJ that shit. 27 00:01:13,139 --> 00:01:14,705 Cindy's a classy lady 28 00:01:14,707 --> 00:01:16,273 and my future baby mama. 29 00:01:16,275 --> 00:01:17,508 - 30 00:01:17,510 --> 00:01:19,810 Are you ready for some sex? 31 00:01:19,812 --> 00:01:20,578 - 32 00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:23,948 - Snoring sounds like consent to me, bitch. 33 00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:24,615 34 00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:27,017 Are you ready for my big, fat Albert? 35 00:01:27,019 --> 00:01:29,887 - Oh, shit, it's a Bill Cosby sex tape. 36 00:01:29,889 --> 00:01:31,755 - Time to put the pudding pop 37 00:01:31,757 --> 00:01:33,491 where it doesn't go. 38 00:01:33,493 --> 00:01:34,692 It's not rape 39 00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:36,861 if she's not awake. 40 00:01:40,932 --> 00:01:41,699 - Oh, shit. 41 00:01:41,701 --> 00:01:43,167 Cindy finally hit me back. 42 00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:44,835 She must want to get wifed up. 43 00:01:44,837 --> 00:01:45,903 - Say what, my nig? 44 00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:48,105 - I mean, she must want to have her cakes beat 45 00:01:48,107 --> 00:01:49,173 with no emotional connection. 46 00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:51,208 - Damn, I can't find the sex tape. 47 00:01:51,210 --> 00:01:53,110 - I got it, but it ain't playing. 48 00:01:53,112 --> 00:01:54,879 What the fuck is a buffering? 49 00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:58,716 - Where'd it go? 50 00:01:58,718 --> 00:01:59,416 - Thanks, Obama. 51 00:01:59,418 --> 00:02:01,519 - God damn it, Cosby! What the fuck? 52 00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:03,320 - Man, this is some whole hey-hey-hey type shit. 53 00:02:03,322 --> 00:02:05,089 I'ma go home and watch Ray J. 54 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:08,092 - Whoa, what? 55 00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:10,027 - I ain't getting no data now. 56 00:02:10,029 --> 00:02:10,661 - Me neither. 57 00:02:10,663 --> 00:02:12,062 Damn Huxtable roofied the whole Internet. 58 00:02:12,064 --> 00:02:14,665 - I got to go see what Cindy was texting me about. 59 00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:16,200 I'll holler. - Where you going? 60 00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:17,801 - To the library, my nigs. 61 00:02:17,803 --> 00:02:19,169 I know they got Wi-Fi. 62 00:02:19,171 --> 00:02:20,004 - What's a li-burry? 63 00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:23,240 - It's where homeless people chill when Starbucks is closed. 64 00:02:24,844 --> 00:02:27,511 Damn, it's like Hogwarts, my nig, 65 00:02:27,513 --> 00:02:28,913 but without the whimsy. 66 00:02:28,915 --> 00:02:32,383 - Aye, who the fuck is Whimsy? 67 00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:36,387 68 00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:39,823 - Oh, shit, that's the librarian. 69 00:02:39,825 --> 00:02:40,724 - Sorry, old-ass lady. 70 00:02:40,726 --> 00:02:42,259 I thought you was mark-ass Whimsy. 71 00:02:42,261 --> 00:02:43,928 - If you could just get us online, 72 00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:45,329 we'll be on our way. 73 00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:48,832 You hit like a bitch. 74 00:02:48,834 --> 00:02:49,800 - Aah! 75 00:02:49,802 --> 00:02:51,268 - Follow me. 76 00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:58,275 - God damn, now we ain't never gonna see 77 00:02:58,277 --> 00:02:59,410 what Big Bill was working with. 78 00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:01,512 - Fuck Bill, I'm trying to hit Cindy back. 79 00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:03,514 - Ladies and gentlemen, 80 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:07,217 at approximately 11:37 am Pacific Standard Time, 81 00:03:07,219 --> 00:03:08,919 some four minutes ago, 82 00:03:08,921 --> 00:03:10,154 the Internet broke. 83 00:03:10,156 --> 00:03:13,190 We're receiving word that the cellular network 84 00:03:13,192 --> 00:03:13,958 is also down. 85 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,427 May God have mercy on our souls. 86 00:03:16,429 --> 00:03:18,028 87 00:03:22,501 --> 00:03:25,669 88 00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:29,239 - God damn it, navigation system. 89 00:03:29,241 --> 00:03:31,241 What do I do? What do I do? 90 00:03:31,243 --> 00:03:32,076 Argh! 91 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:43,053 92 00:03:43,055 --> 00:03:44,922 - What the fuck? 93 00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:48,225 Well, fuck it--might as well get a smoke break. 94 00:03:48,227 --> 00:03:50,694 Damn, no game, no weed. 95 00:03:50,696 --> 00:03:52,196 What else can a nigga do? 96 00:03:53,332 --> 00:03:54,999 - Oh, well, I guess I can learn 97 00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:56,667 how to get this bread. 98 00:03:56,669 --> 00:03:58,669 99 00:03:58,671 --> 00:04:01,438 - You broke it, cabron, like for serious. 100 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:02,806 - No, I didn't even touch it. 101 00:04:02,808 --> 00:04:03,741 - Give it to me and stuff, ese. 102 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,476 I don't know what you talking about. 103 00:04:05,478 --> 00:04:07,511 Give it to me, you-- - Shhh! 104 00:04:07,513 --> 00:04:08,512 - Welcome back to MSNBC. 105 00:04:08,514 --> 00:04:11,315 The White House has confirmed that the World Wide Web 106 00:04:11,317 --> 00:04:12,049 is currently broke. 107 00:04:12,051 --> 00:04:15,052 The outage was caused by a nationwide spike in traffic 108 00:04:15,054 --> 00:04:17,821 following the leak of a Bill Cosby sex tape. 109 00:04:17,823 --> 00:04:18,822 - The government has assured us 110 00:04:18,824 --> 00:04:22,326 they are doing everything they can to fix the situation, 111 00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:25,663 so we all can get a good look at Bill's BBC. 112 00:04:25,665 --> 00:04:26,497 - Can't wait, Thad. 113 00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:28,799 And now, back to our special airing 114 00:04:28,801 --> 00:04:30,934 of "Ghost Dad." 115 00:04:30,936 --> 00:04:32,970 - This is amazing. - Amazing? 116 00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:34,238 Esto es mierda. 117 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,272 - You don't see it, do you? 118 00:04:35,274 --> 00:04:36,407 If you take away the mindless drivel 119 00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:38,108 that corporations peddle in the name of entertainment 120 00:04:38,110 --> 00:04:41,011 and eliminate access to unrealistic portrayals 121 00:04:41,013 --> 00:04:42,813 of intimacy, people will return 122 00:04:42,815 --> 00:04:43,847 to what really matters. 123 00:04:43,849 --> 00:04:45,282 - What's that, ese? 124 00:04:45,284 --> 00:04:45,949 - The black man. 125 00:04:45,951 --> 00:04:48,352 - Hey, straight up, I'm gonna miss "Yo Gabba Gabba." 126 00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:49,987 - Man, y'all too old for that "Yo Gabba Gabba." 127 00:04:49,989 --> 00:04:53,724 Y'all need to get up on that "Doc McStuffins, Black Doctor." 128 00:04:55,661 --> 00:04:57,728 What y'all looking all stunned for? 129 00:04:57,730 --> 00:04:58,796 You think I'ma trust The Man 130 00:04:58,798 --> 00:04:59,730 with my communications? 131 00:04:59,732 --> 00:05:01,899 Miss me with that Patriot Act biz, breh. 132 00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:03,901 I hacked into a Chinese satellite. 133 00:05:03,903 --> 00:05:05,235 I'm off the grid, son. 134 00:05:05,237 --> 00:05:06,370 - Now, that's gangster. 135 00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:08,672 - Who wants to watch a crooked cop get beat down? 136 00:05:08,674 --> 00:05:10,641 - Me, me--I do, I do! - Me, over here! 137 00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:11,642 138 00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:15,279 - All this destruction, 139 00:05:15,281 --> 00:05:16,380 where we gonna eat, bruh? 140 00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:18,315 - I just hope Cindy's okay, my nigs, 141 00:05:18,317 --> 00:05:19,416 'cause if the world's gonna end, 142 00:05:19,418 --> 00:05:21,318 it's gonna end with my thang in her mouth. 143 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:23,153 - Man, who care about her swampy ass? 144 00:05:23,155 --> 00:05:25,155 She probably kicking it with Randy somewhere, 145 00:05:25,157 --> 00:05:26,890 eating boogers or peeing on each other 146 00:05:26,892 --> 00:05:27,624 or some other shit. 147 00:05:27,626 --> 00:05:28,959 I'm ain't finna die for her dirty ass. 148 00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:31,829 - I'm gonna let the disrespect slide for the moment, 149 00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,363 but only because we just saw a dude 150 00:05:33,365 --> 00:05:35,466 get his face eaten off by cats. 151 00:05:35,468 --> 00:05:38,368 - Gah! 152 00:05:38,370 --> 00:05:39,336 - The streets is getting real. 153 00:05:39,338 --> 00:05:41,538 Maybe we should just roll to Milk's house. 154 00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:43,674 - Whoa, pump them brakes, thickness. 155 00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:44,441 What about your house? 156 00:05:44,443 --> 00:05:46,276 - Nah, Shamal's there, and she fat. 157 00:05:46,278 --> 00:05:47,778 What about Grover's? - My house? 158 00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:50,114 Milk's the one that lives in the gated neighborhood. 159 00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:51,448 - Yeah, and didn't you say your moms 160 00:05:51,450 --> 00:05:54,651 and that bitch-ass nig Uncle Joey was on vacation? 161 00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:57,588 I don't care if the Internet's broke! 162 00:05:57,590 --> 00:05:59,823 I am white. Make it work! 163 00:06:00,893 --> 00:06:03,093 - Yo, this ho is turning into a bitch. 164 00:06:03,095 --> 00:06:06,430 Let's get to my crib ASAPer than Rocky. 165 00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:12,236 Look at us--having a great time, 166 00:06:12,238 --> 00:06:14,338 playing a game invented in ancient Africa. 167 00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:15,205 We don't need no Xbox. 168 00:06:15,207 --> 00:06:17,541 - Yo, we not making no bread, Malik. 169 00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:21,779 - Yo, Malik, my cousin Chuy need to use the computer. 170 00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:22,312 - What? 171 00:06:22,314 --> 00:06:23,447 - He need to fill out his unemployment. 172 00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:25,015 - Rodrigo, you out here running your mouth 173 00:06:25,017 --> 00:06:25,816 about my broadband? 174 00:06:25,818 --> 00:06:28,318 What I tell you about putting my business in the streets? 175 00:06:29,421 --> 00:06:31,588 Chuy give you this. You like? 176 00:06:31,590 --> 00:06:33,390 - What am I gonna do with a toy truck? 177 00:06:33,392 --> 00:06:35,759 - Or I got this. - Hmm. 178 00:06:35,761 --> 00:06:38,428 - There's a lot more where this came from. 179 00:06:38,430 --> 00:06:40,764 - You got the juice now. 180 00:06:40,766 --> 00:06:43,901 - Yeah, and I'm thirsty. 181 00:06:47,705 --> 00:06:50,674 182 00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:52,276 - That's it, we locked up tighter 183 00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:53,477 than Rick Ross's skinny jeans. 184 00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:56,013 Ain't no mark-ass poor people getting in here now. 185 00:06:56,015 --> 00:06:58,148 - Yo, what do you think Cindy meant by "hey"? 186 00:06:58,150 --> 00:07:00,217 Do you think it was a "You're a cool guy, 187 00:07:00,219 --> 00:07:02,252 and I'd love to kick it after school" type of "hey," 188 00:07:02,254 --> 00:07:05,789 or more of a "Damn, Grover, I want to high-five your dick 189 00:07:05,791 --> 00:07:06,857 with my mouth" type of "hey"? 190 00:07:06,859 --> 00:07:08,525 - Honestly, bro, I don't even know why you want 191 00:07:08,527 --> 00:07:11,028 to step to Cindy after all that shit Jamal said. 192 00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:13,130 - You don't really believe him, do you? 193 00:07:13,132 --> 00:07:15,165 Where's he at, anyway? 194 00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:19,403 - Next. - Wait! 195 00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:20,671 I had a triple word score! 196 00:07:20,673 --> 00:07:23,140 - I was hoping for five minutes. 197 00:07:23,142 --> 00:07:25,576 - Pete, put eyes on this. 198 00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:27,945 - It's vintage. - It's costume. 199 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:28,979 Three minutes tops! 200 00:07:28,981 --> 00:07:31,248 - She lied. Give her ten seconds. 201 00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:32,983 - Thank you so much. 202 00:07:37,823 --> 00:07:39,690 - Size? - Seven, sir. 203 00:07:39,692 --> 00:07:41,625 - Man, I wear a grade school six. 204 00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:42,626 - Hey, I wear a seven. 205 00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:45,229 - Didn't nobody ask you what size you wear, Pete. 206 00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:46,897 - Man, that's fucked up. 207 00:07:46,899 --> 00:07:48,332 - Give him 20 seconds. 208 00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:50,834 Give me the shoes. 209 00:07:50,836 --> 00:07:53,270 - 500SL convertible. 210 00:07:53,272 --> 00:07:55,038 - Seven minutes. 211 00:07:58,610 --> 00:08:01,245 - Nailed it. 212 00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:03,647 - Hey, there, sweetie, 213 00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:06,450 come to the free adult version of Facebook 214 00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:08,619 at Slitfinder.com. 215 00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:10,020 - Earmuffs! 216 00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:12,923 - What the fuck? 217 00:08:12,925 --> 00:08:15,058 Jamal done went Medina all over my kitchen. 218 00:08:15,060 --> 00:08:16,593 - He left one tangerines, though. 219 00:08:16,595 --> 00:08:18,662 - Man, I don't eat no tree garbage. 220 00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:19,863 I drink all my fruits in soda. 221 00:08:19,865 --> 00:08:22,165 - You know what he likes to do after he eats? 222 00:08:22,167 --> 00:08:23,500 - Take a nap. - After that? 223 00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:24,968 - Take a shit. - After that? 224 00:08:24,970 --> 00:08:27,638 - Lick his fingers. - After that? 225 00:08:29,007 --> 00:08:30,974 - Rhiyonce! 226 00:08:30,976 --> 00:08:33,777 - Mm-mm-mm, did you finish? 227 00:08:33,779 --> 00:08:35,112 I did--twice. 228 00:08:35,114 --> 00:08:37,381 Remember, it's our secret. 229 00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:39,283 - Jesus, it stinks in here. 230 00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:41,051 It smells like sweaty balls, 231 00:08:41,053 --> 00:08:42,920 cheese, and burnt rubber. 232 00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:44,421 - A booty bouquet. 233 00:08:44,423 --> 00:08:47,157 - Rhi Rhi, did he hurt you? 234 00:08:47,159 --> 00:08:48,392 What the fuck is that look? 235 00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:50,627 I know you ain't go raw in my girl. 236 00:08:50,629 --> 00:08:51,862 - Is there any other way? 237 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:54,431 - You fat bitch. - Fuck that blow-up trick. 238 00:08:54,433 --> 00:08:55,332 What we gonna do for food? 239 00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:57,834 We gonna starve to death because of selfish-ass 240 00:08:57,836 --> 00:08:59,403 CeeLo Green over here. 241 00:08:59,405 --> 00:09:00,103 - CeeLo? 242 00:09:00,105 --> 00:09:01,138 I always thought of myself 243 00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:03,140 as a young Big Sean type of nig. 244 00:09:03,142 --> 00:09:05,442 - Man, we arguing like some NBA hoes 245 00:09:05,444 --> 00:09:06,610 at All-Star Weekend. 246 00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:08,278 Let's just go to Food for Mo. 247 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:11,348 - Food for Mo ain't no mo. 248 00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:14,117 - Oh, shit. 249 00:09:14,119 --> 00:09:16,353 We gonna die! 250 00:09:17,288 --> 00:09:19,690 - Now, how this shit gonna be called "The Profit" 251 00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:21,491 when he ain't make no bread? 252 00:09:21,493 --> 00:09:22,326 Man, this some bullshit. 253 00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:24,695 Your boy 'Trely can do better than that. 254 00:09:28,299 --> 00:09:29,366 Now, before I go any further, 255 00:09:29,368 --> 00:09:32,803 I'ma need a pseudonym to protect my street cred. 256 00:09:32,805 --> 00:09:35,105 Hmm, Mark Make It Twain? 257 00:09:35,107 --> 00:09:36,473 Edgar Allan Never-Poe? 258 00:09:36,475 --> 00:09:39,309 Oh, I got it. Blunter S. Thompson. 259 00:09:39,311 --> 00:09:41,812 Yeah, that shit amazing! 260 00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:44,881 - Now how we gonna survive? 261 00:09:44,883 --> 00:09:46,450 We got no food and no weapons. 262 00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:49,619 All we got is water and one bitch-ass tangerines. 263 00:09:49,621 --> 00:09:50,754 - And it's only a matter of time 264 00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,823 before those fools break down the gate. 265 00:09:52,825 --> 00:09:54,391 I'm trying to be a legend, 266 00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:55,659 not "I Am Legend." 267 00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:57,728 - Yo, straight up, if this go down, 268 00:09:57,730 --> 00:09:58,562 I'm eating the rapist. 269 00:09:58,564 --> 00:10:00,464 Mmm, look at all that shoulder meat. 270 00:10:00,466 --> 00:10:02,332 - Eating the homey feels kind of gay, 271 00:10:02,334 --> 00:10:04,067 unless you got some hot sauce. 272 00:10:04,069 --> 00:10:04,968 - You know what? Fuck that. 273 00:10:04,970 --> 00:10:08,405 Uncle Joey got one of them Jodie Foster-type panic rooms. 274 00:10:08,407 --> 00:10:09,673 Grover, you can roll. 275 00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:11,475 Jamal, Rhiyonce's coming with me, 276 00:10:11,477 --> 00:10:13,143 so you can go fuck yourself, fat boy. 277 00:10:13,145 --> 00:10:18,482 - Guys, seriously, though, my corn syrups is getting low. 278 00:10:18,484 --> 00:10:21,284 - He got all kinds of good shit in there-- 279 00:10:21,286 --> 00:10:22,152 food, water. 280 00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:24,354 He even got that BET "Baldwin Hills" 281 00:10:24,356 --> 00:10:25,355 collector set on DVD. 282 00:10:25,357 --> 00:10:28,291 And, rapist, you ain't gonna see none of it. 283 00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:30,527 Oh, shit, he changed it, 284 00:10:30,529 --> 00:10:31,862 just like a bitch-ass white boy. 285 00:10:31,864 --> 00:10:34,531 Now what? - Hurry, I'm about to crash. 286 00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:36,299 - That's what your greedy ass get. 287 00:10:36,301 --> 00:10:38,135 - Hey, y'all, keep a cool booty. 288 00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:39,603 - Duke, go get bitch-ass Uncle Joey 289 00:10:39,605 --> 00:10:42,105 and tell him we need the code to the panic room. 290 00:10:42,107 --> 00:10:43,640 Oh, and before you leave, 291 00:10:43,642 --> 00:10:45,075 tell him eat a dick. 292 00:10:46,745 --> 00:10:48,712 - We need a landline, my nigs. 293 00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:49,513 - The hell is that? 294 00:10:49,515 --> 00:10:50,580 - It's a sort of communication 295 00:10:50,582 --> 00:10:52,649 that old nigs used to talk to each other. 296 00:10:52,651 --> 00:10:54,484 We just need to find a old person. 297 00:10:54,486 --> 00:10:55,619 I'm sure they'll have one. 298 00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:57,487 - Oh, I know. Old-ass Miss Jenkins. 299 00:10:57,489 --> 00:11:01,291 - Hopefully she got some pie chilling on the windowsill. 300 00:11:01,293 --> 00:11:03,326 Mmm, mmm, mmm. 301 00:11:03,328 --> 00:11:04,294 - Let's gear up. 302 00:11:04,296 --> 00:11:07,464 303 00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:10,367 Jamal, come on. 304 00:11:17,642 --> 00:11:18,909 Almost there. 305 00:11:22,281 --> 00:11:25,182 - Ooh, shit, it's Kobe Bryant. 306 00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:25,816 - Help me. 307 00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:27,084 - Just pass me the trophies, 308 00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:28,618 and we'll pull you out. 309 00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:29,486 - Pass? 310 00:11:32,057 --> 00:11:34,291 - These was Shaq's anyway. 311 00:11:36,895 --> 00:11:38,695 - I don't think anybody's home. 312 00:11:38,697 --> 00:11:41,064 What the hell are you doing, Milk? 313 00:11:41,066 --> 00:11:41,865 - Being a G. 314 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:42,899 The world's ending, my dudes, 315 00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:45,368 and we ain't going out like no punks. 316 00:11:45,370 --> 00:11:46,636 Shamon. 317 00:11:48,406 --> 00:11:50,807 Oh, look at this bitch photo album. 318 00:11:50,809 --> 00:11:51,608 She older than wood. 319 00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:54,611 Damn, Ms. Jenkins was the original jump-off. 320 00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:56,213 Ken Griffey Juniors, 321 00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:57,247 Magic Johnsons, 322 00:11:57,249 --> 00:11:58,115 Shawn Kemps, 323 00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:00,016 Martin Luther King Seniors? 324 00:12:00,018 --> 00:12:00,917 - Man, check these out. 325 00:12:00,919 --> 00:12:03,420 Miss Jenkins is packin' in the backin'. 326 00:12:03,422 --> 00:12:04,454 Booty for weeks. 327 00:12:04,456 --> 00:12:06,623 - Oh, hell, yeah-- teeth in the jar. 328 00:12:06,625 --> 00:12:08,959 You know she give them good gummies. 329 00:12:09,995 --> 00:12:11,261 - Uhh! Come on, can! 330 00:12:11,263 --> 00:12:12,095 Uhh! 331 00:12:12,097 --> 00:12:13,864 Can't get this shit open. Uhh! 332 00:12:13,866 --> 00:12:16,099 - Jamal, no! 333 00:12:16,869 --> 00:12:18,835 - I'm a legend, bitch. 334 00:12:18,837 --> 00:12:22,205 - You idiot, you broke the landline. 335 00:12:22,207 --> 00:12:24,174 - Y'all want some pork and beans? 336 00:12:24,176 --> 00:12:27,377 - You go raw in that too? Nasty motherfucker. 337 00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:30,147 - Oh, shit. 338 00:12:31,716 --> 00:12:33,150 - Oh, shit! - Hands up, don't shoot! 339 00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:34,484 - Get the fuck out. 340 00:12:34,486 --> 00:12:37,220 Wait, just the white boy. 341 00:12:37,222 --> 00:12:41,057 You two dark ones can stay. 342 00:12:41,059 --> 00:12:42,159 - Aight, let's dip, y'all. 343 00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:46,630 - Mmm, cocoa butter. That takes me back. 344 00:12:46,632 --> 00:12:49,666 345 00:12:49,668 --> 00:12:51,401 - Aw, hell, no. 346 00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:52,769 - And barrel roll. 347 00:12:52,771 --> 00:12:54,104 Hands up, assholes. 348 00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:55,639 - Not you, Milton. You're fine. 349 00:12:55,641 --> 00:12:57,474 - Don't worry, fellas. I got this. 350 00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:59,743 - What are you boys doing in this neighborhood, huh? 351 00:12:59,745 --> 00:13:01,745 - Wouldn't be looting, would you? 352 00:13:01,747 --> 00:13:02,846 - Nice! 353 00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:05,815 - Sir, we were just-- 354 00:13:05,817 --> 00:13:06,983 - Hey, did I tell you to talk? 355 00:13:06,985 --> 00:13:08,718 - You might want to watch that lip, son. 356 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:09,486 It sounds aggressive, 357 00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:11,588 and I'm starting to fear for my life right now. 358 00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:13,523 - You only stopped us 'cause we black, 359 00:13:13,525 --> 00:13:15,225 you dirty-ass pigs. 360 00:13:15,227 --> 00:13:16,693 I got it all on tape. 361 00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:17,827 - Look, guns! 362 00:13:17,829 --> 00:13:19,563 - Get over here! 363 00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:20,530 - No, no, not my Taser. 364 00:13:20,532 --> 00:13:21,698 This doesn't feel good. 365 00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:24,868 No, no, the other shoe has dropped. 366 00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,102 - Worldstar! 367 00:13:26,104 --> 00:13:27,304 - Come on, Milk. 368 00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:32,876 - This is all I have. 369 00:13:32,878 --> 00:13:35,712 I just need a few minutes to order some diapers. 370 00:13:35,714 --> 00:13:38,248 The market is all out because of the looting. 371 00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:39,983 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, likely story. 372 00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:41,518 Let me tell you what's really happening. 373 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,520 You're jonesing for some "Housewives of Atlanta," 374 00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:44,854 and it's making you crazy. 375 00:13:44,856 --> 00:13:46,790 - No, seriously, my baby keeps shitting. 376 00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:49,559 - Come on, ese, move it. Time's up. 377 00:13:49,561 --> 00:13:51,027 - I had to reset my password. 378 00:13:51,029 --> 00:13:52,229 I'm so sorry. 379 00:13:52,231 --> 00:13:54,097 It will just be another moment. 380 00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:56,766 Aah! 381 00:13:56,768 --> 00:13:58,768 - You think it's a pudding pop, 382 00:13:58,770 --> 00:13:59,569 but it's not. 383 00:13:59,571 --> 00:14:01,571 You still put it in your mouth, though. 384 00:14:01,573 --> 00:14:03,139 Zippity bop pow! 385 00:14:03,141 --> 00:14:04,407 - Pete, what is this? 386 00:14:04,409 --> 00:14:06,776 - Hey, cash rules everything around me. 387 00:14:06,778 --> 00:14:07,477 You know the rest. 388 00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:09,746 - You disloyal mother-- man, that's it. 389 00:14:09,748 --> 00:14:10,981 No more Internet for anybody. 390 00:14:10,983 --> 00:14:13,617 I want everybody up out of here right now. 391 00:14:16,288 --> 00:14:16,886 Not you. 392 00:14:16,888 --> 00:14:18,788 We came up in this game together. 393 00:14:18,790 --> 00:14:21,057 - You don't have to do this! 394 00:14:21,059 --> 00:14:23,260 - I didn't do this. You did. 395 00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:25,328 - Please, Malik, not in the face! 396 00:14:25,330 --> 00:14:26,463 I want a open casket. 397 00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:28,164 - You really sadden me, Pete. 398 00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:34,070 Am I my brother's keeper? 399 00:14:34,072 --> 00:14:35,171 - Yes, I am! 400 00:14:35,173 --> 00:14:36,239 Argh! 401 00:14:36,241 --> 00:14:37,507 - Sorry, Pete. 402 00:14:37,509 --> 00:14:39,276 - Uh, can I go now? 403 00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:41,378 - Man, get out of here. 404 00:14:43,147 --> 00:14:46,216 - Don't feel bad. You had to do it. 405 00:14:48,553 --> 00:14:50,320 - Way to go, dickheads. You know what? 406 00:14:50,322 --> 00:14:53,223 Me and Rhiyonce would have been better off without y'all. 407 00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:54,824 - "Y'all"? What you mean, y'all? 408 00:14:54,826 --> 00:14:57,527 Jamal's the one that messed everything up. 409 00:14:57,529 --> 00:14:58,094 - Me? 410 00:14:58,096 --> 00:14:59,596 I'm the one that found the phone. 411 00:14:59,598 --> 00:15:00,463 - You also broke it. 412 00:15:00,465 --> 00:15:02,499 - Man, we in some Book of Rebalations-type shit, 413 00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:05,635 and y'all standing here arguing about swine and beans 414 00:15:05,637 --> 00:15:08,672 and phones, and Rhiyonce laying up there damaged goods. 415 00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:10,740 I can't even look at her no more. 416 00:15:10,742 --> 00:15:11,408 - You know what? 417 00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:14,044 You've become a real liability on these streets, my nig. 418 00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:16,513 - Well, you been acting like a little biyatch 419 00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:18,248 ever since that text from Cindy. 420 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:20,650 Might want to change your tampon, ho! 421 00:15:20,652 --> 00:15:22,152 - Who you calling ho, ho? 422 00:15:22,154 --> 00:15:23,920 You so hard, come get some. 423 00:15:28,059 --> 00:15:30,694 You just jealous that you would never have a chance 424 00:15:30,696 --> 00:15:32,362 with a girl like Cindy. 425 00:15:32,364 --> 00:15:34,331 I don't even know why I kick it with you. 426 00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:36,366 - Oh, it's like that, huh? 427 00:15:36,368 --> 00:15:40,770 Well, I think it's about time you learned the truth. 428 00:15:40,772 --> 00:15:43,373 429 00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:46,042 - Hey, look, the new kid got a butthole 430 00:15:46,044 --> 00:15:47,143 on the side of his dome. 431 00:15:47,145 --> 00:15:49,579 Let's call him Butthole Brains. 432 00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:51,481 - Man, he got a hole in the side of his brain 433 00:15:51,483 --> 00:15:53,917 and a brain inside his head inside of his hole. 434 00:15:54,986 --> 00:15:56,286 - Nice shoes, buster. 435 00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:57,020 Where you get those, 436 00:15:57,022 --> 00:15:59,556 Payless or Can't Pay No Less? 437 00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:06,896 - Jamal, listen, buddy. 438 00:16:06,898 --> 00:16:09,366 Grover's new here, and he's having a hard time 439 00:16:09,368 --> 00:16:13,236 making friends, and as you can tell by his shoes-- 440 00:16:13,238 --> 00:16:14,304 - He broke as shit? 441 00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:15,872 - That wasn't what I was going to say, 442 00:16:15,874 --> 00:16:16,973 but, yes, he is broke as shit. 443 00:16:16,975 --> 00:16:19,676 So would you do me a favor and play with him? 444 00:16:19,678 --> 00:16:22,045 I'll give you a free lunch ticket. 445 00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:23,980 - Make it two free lunch tickets, 446 00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:25,281 and you got a deal. 447 00:16:25,283 --> 00:16:26,616 448 00:16:26,618 --> 00:16:27,984 The moral of the story is, 449 00:16:27,986 --> 00:16:30,820 fish sticks and coffee cake is the only reason 450 00:16:30,822 --> 00:16:32,589 you got a friend right now-- 451 00:16:32,591 --> 00:16:35,258 fish sticks and coffee cake. 452 00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:39,162 Fish sticks and coffee cake! 453 00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:41,197 Ooh! 454 00:16:41,199 --> 00:16:43,566 - Look, baby, I ain't saying it was your fault, 455 00:16:43,568 --> 00:16:45,402 but I should take the air out you right now. 456 00:16:45,404 --> 00:16:47,871 But I can't, 'cause I love you too much. 457 00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:49,472 I just need to know one thing. 458 00:16:49,474 --> 00:16:51,775 Was he bigger than me? 459 00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:53,109 I knew he couldn't match my nine. 460 00:16:53,111 --> 00:16:56,346 Now let's clean these holes and get it cracking. 461 00:17:00,618 --> 00:17:01,985 - I thought I could help people transform 462 00:17:01,987 --> 00:17:03,987 from the brainwashed drones they'd become 463 00:17:03,989 --> 00:17:05,922 into real, free-thinking humans again. 464 00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:08,224 But having all that power is too much for one man. 465 00:17:08,226 --> 00:17:10,960 It corrupted me-- made me less than human. 466 00:17:10,962 --> 00:17:11,761 Bottom line, 467 00:17:11,763 --> 00:17:15,131 it turned me into a cracker. 468 00:17:15,133 --> 00:17:16,533 - Give me that Internet, boy! 469 00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,168 - We know you're in there! 470 00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:19,269 - I got to get out of here. 471 00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:20,770 - He's getting away! 472 00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:26,509 - There he is! 473 00:17:26,511 --> 00:17:27,343 - Uh-oh. 474 00:17:37,656 --> 00:17:38,922 - What they want, Malik? 475 00:17:38,924 --> 00:17:39,923 - The Internet, man. 476 00:17:39,925 --> 00:17:42,826 I got it on lock. I don't even want it anymore. 477 00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:45,161 - Can you help me find Cindy? - Is she lost? 478 00:17:45,163 --> 00:17:47,564 - Nah, Grover just think she want to get busy, 479 00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:48,331 but she don't. 480 00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:50,700 - I'll suck your dick, little man. 481 00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:52,769 I'll suck it real hard. 482 00:17:52,771 --> 00:17:53,903 - Argh! No! 483 00:17:53,905 --> 00:17:55,405 I don't want them to do that. 484 00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:58,374 I'll help you find your girl if you promise to keep me safe 485 00:17:58,376 --> 00:18:00,043 and let me sleep in your room tonight. 486 00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:01,945 - Oh, shit! 487 00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:03,613 - Run, fellas! 488 00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:05,615 - I'll can use Cindy's cell phone number 489 00:18:05,617 --> 00:18:08,084 to triangulate her position. 490 00:18:08,086 --> 00:18:09,919 Boom, got eem. 491 00:18:09,921 --> 00:18:12,989 - Moment of truth, y'all. 492 00:18:13,792 --> 00:18:15,792 - Hell, yeah. It's back. 493 00:18:19,897 --> 00:18:21,331 - Uh! Uh! 494 00:18:23,502 --> 00:18:24,667 - Hey, Grover, what's up? 495 00:18:24,669 --> 00:18:27,470 - Hey, Cindy, just, uh, wanted to check in 496 00:18:27,472 --> 00:18:28,571 and see if you was okay. 497 00:18:28,573 --> 00:18:29,706 The Internet's been down. 498 00:18:29,708 --> 00:18:31,741 - Oh, I been, uh, 499 00:18:31,743 --> 00:18:33,376 tied up for the last 20 minutes. 500 00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:37,113 - Cindy Louise Scrilla, did you drop a beefy deuce 501 00:18:37,115 --> 00:18:39,015 in the guest bathroom again? 502 00:18:39,017 --> 00:18:39,616 - Dad! 503 00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:41,751 - It took me three flushes and a coat hanger 504 00:18:41,753 --> 00:18:42,952 to get it down! 505 00:18:42,954 --> 00:18:43,486 - Okay! 506 00:18:43,488 --> 00:18:45,588 - I'm just saying, the next time we go 507 00:18:45,590 --> 00:18:46,656 to Boston Market, 508 00:18:46,658 --> 00:18:49,492 you are not getting the meatloaf! 509 00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:52,195 - So what's up, guys? 510 00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:53,162 - What's good with that text? 511 00:18:53,164 --> 00:18:56,399 - I never texted you. - Boo, stop frontin'. 512 00:18:56,401 --> 00:18:59,602 Uh, oh. Uh, okay. 513 00:18:59,604 --> 00:19:01,004 I'm so stupid. 514 00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:03,706 I meant to text Grandma, not Grover. 515 00:19:03,708 --> 00:19:05,742 I must have fat-fingered it. Whoops. 516 00:19:05,744 --> 00:19:07,544 - Cool, yeah, makes sense. 517 00:19:07,546 --> 00:19:09,045 Uh, we got to go now. I'll holler. 518 00:19:09,047 --> 00:19:12,949 - Lord knows the girl needs to eat more greens. 519 00:19:12,951 --> 00:19:14,551 Her insides is rotten! 520 00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:15,652 Lord, they rotten. 521 00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:16,920 - Smell you later, Cindy. 522 00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:19,422 - You better hope she don't wipe back to front. 523 00:19:23,327 --> 00:19:27,564 - And that, my niggas, is how you stack your bread, 524 00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:29,032 be a good role model, 525 00:19:29,034 --> 00:19:30,700 and become one with the universe 526 00:19:30,702 --> 00:19:33,169 to achieve peace on Earth and shit. 527 00:19:33,171 --> 00:19:34,904 I killed that shit! 528 00:19:34,906 --> 00:19:37,206 529 00:19:38,944 --> 00:19:40,243 530 00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:43,279 Oh, shit, we back up, nigga! 531 00:19:43,281 --> 00:19:45,915 Who want to get they ass blowed up? 532 00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:48,518 Take that, nigga! 533 00:19:49,486 --> 00:19:51,354 - Hey, man, sorry about Cindy. 534 00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:53,323 Real talk: I may have hung out with you 535 00:19:53,325 --> 00:19:55,191 for the fish sticks in the beginning, 536 00:19:55,193 --> 00:19:57,193 but then I realized you were my nig. 537 00:19:57,195 --> 00:20:00,096 Shit, man, you even taught me how to pump fake. 538 00:20:00,098 --> 00:20:01,264 - 'Preciate you, bruh. 539 00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:02,131 If it wasn't for you, 540 00:20:02,133 --> 00:20:03,900 I'd still be Butthole Brains. 541 00:20:03,902 --> 00:20:05,602 This headband you gave me back in the day 542 00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:07,103 changed everything, my nig. 543 00:20:07,105 --> 00:20:08,504 - Ooh, that shit got worse. 544 00:20:08,506 --> 00:20:11,507 - Y'all probably tight with me 'cause I'm always on time 545 00:20:11,509 --> 00:20:12,709 with the comedy, right? 546 00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:13,576 Or is it the stories? 547 00:20:13,578 --> 00:20:15,445 Y'all know I got them stories on deck. 548 00:20:15,447 --> 00:20:17,947 - Honestly, bruh, I just like the fact that you rich. 549 00:20:17,949 --> 00:20:20,083 - I just love your mom's titties. 550 00:20:20,785 --> 00:20:23,386 - At the end of the day, Yeezus was right. 551 00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:24,253 We're all slaves, 552 00:20:24,255 --> 00:20:26,889 especially when it comes to this digital madness. 553 00:20:26,891 --> 00:20:29,792 This powerful tool that should be connecting the world 554 00:20:29,794 --> 00:20:31,394 has made us more disconnected 555 00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:33,496 than any time in history. 556 00:20:33,498 --> 00:20:34,530 In a world where real emotions 557 00:20:34,532 --> 00:20:35,999 have been replaced by emoticons, 558 00:20:36,001 --> 00:20:39,135 who will teach the next generation to love? 559 00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:40,036 - Yo, I got the tape. 560 00:20:40,038 --> 00:20:43,439 - Hoagie! Come and take the hoagie! 561 00:20:43,441 --> 00:20:44,340 562 00:20:44,342 --> 00:20:45,908 - Damn, that's a ashy dick. 563 00:20:45,910 --> 00:20:49,379 - Yeah, look like he been smashing chalkboard erasers. 564 00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:53,483